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Humility is a Virtue

Humility: A Cocky Rooster Ironically Illustrating That Humility Is A Virtue

Humility is an easy word to say, but it’s not always easy to put into practice. Humility is a virtue.

Use humility to be awesome!

How ironic. Sometimes it seems as though instead of being humble, we let our ego take the wheel. Humility takes a back seat as we hurtle at top speed through life, and sometimes it doesn’t even get a seat—it’s three cars back, holding onto the bumper for dear life while our ego drives a thousand miles an hour through traffic screaming “I AM THE GREATEST! GET OUT OF MY WAY!”

How can you get your ego out of the way and live with humility?

First, you’ll want to consider what humility really is. Humility doesn’t necessarily mean being meek, shy, or quiet. Humility is a virtue. It doesn’t even mean that you can’t recognize your own accomplishments. Being humble is about de-centering yourself and centering others. It’s about appreciating what you have while recognizing that you didn’t get there on your own. And it’s about recognizing that you’ve still got a ways to go.

Being humble can be an astonishingly powerful tool in growing as a human being. We’re not talking about the fake kind of humble where we do something we’re proud of and then get on social media to proclaim how humbled we are by our own untouchable greatness.

We’ve all seen these types of posts:

“SO PROUD AND HUMBLED THAT I MADE THE WORLD’S MOST DELICIOUS DINNER FOR MY FAMILY TONIGHT! EVERYONE AGREED I AM THE BEST COOK THAT HAS EVER LIVED! #stayhumble #humility #greatestchefever #cooking #food #pleaselikethispost”

Don’t fall into the trap of the #humblebrag: true humility doesn’t shout about itself from the rooftops.

Table of Contents

Humility is a Virtue: The Duality of Humility

Lack of Humility

Let’s examine humility with a hypothetical friend: we’ll call her Joan. Joan has a difficult time with humility, and sometimes that comes back to bite her square in the behind.

Joan was invited to a party. Awesome! She spends a couple of hours getting ready so that she’ll look her best and impress everyone with how great she looks. Makeup, fancy outfit, nice perfume: the whole deal. She wants to be the best-dressed of the night, after all. As she drove to the party she made a list in her head of all the things she might want to talk about:

“Well, I just got a promotion and raise at work, so I should mention that.”

“I have a new boyfriend, and he’s very handsome, I should show off some pictures.”​

“I’m planning a vacation to celebrate my promotion—I can talk about my plans for the trip.”​

See where this is going? Everything Joan has considered is about herself. Everything she’s prepared for social interaction has absolutely nothing to do with being social.

It feels great when good things happen in life, and if you look good too, well, that’s a double whammy. It’s only natural to want to share your successes and put your best face forward. Unfortunately, though we may be well-meaning, this attitude can come off negatively and very ego-driven.

Joan arrives at the party, excited and expecting to be the center of attention. She’s got her list of superlatives, her fancy outfit, and it’s showtime!

While at first, her friends will probably be interested in hearing her good news, if she just keeps going instead of stopping to listen to them, they’re quickly going to get bored or annoyed. Since she has centered everything around herself, she’s set the tone, and it’s not a particularly friendly or humble one. No one wants to engage with that for long.

She’s also set her expectations poorly. She’s spent so much time thinking about everything she wants to “share” (let’s be honest: that means “brag about”) that she hasn’t considered that things might not go as planned. Maybe she won’t end up being the center of attention the way she thought. Maybe someone else’s exciting news trumps hers, or maybe people are more interested in playing board games than discussing her vacation. It’s easy to see how the night may not go as Joan planned, and that leaves her feeling upset and dejected.

Then after a night of people avoiding her because they’re tired of hearing her gush about her amazing boyfriend, she drives home upset and unsatisfied. People didn’t give her the attention she wanted, and she didn’t have a way to recover and enjoy the party despite the fact that no one really cared about her plans for her Bahamas trip. She took others’ reactions as a personal rejection because she had set those expectations beforehand, and her self-worth was all tied up in people being impressed by what she had to say.

A More Humble Alternative

Let’s look at how Joan may have approached this situation in a different, more humble way. Joan still puts on her new fancy dress and does her makeup, but she’s doing it because she loves trying out new looks, and it makes her feel more confident and comfortable. She doesn’t approach it with the thought of looking better than anyone else, or getting attention. She approaches it with the idea that she simply likes to look the best she can.

She drives to the party excited about the friends she’ll see and the new people she will meet.

She still thinks about the good things in her life that she may want to mention if people ask her how she’s doing, but she frames them with a more humble mindset:

“Well, I just got a promotion and raise at work, so I should mention that.”

Joan thinks about how she’s had some good fortune and is glad that her hard work has paid off. She stayed positive when others got promoted over her, and finally her bosses came through for her. She remembers that Afrah got laid off a few weeks ago and is still looking for work. So maybe she can mention that there are a couple of openings coming up in her office after the restructuring, and she’s finally in a position to put in a good word about a possible candidate. She also considers that she’s going to be supervising interns now, and she knows that Tony has experience with that, so she should ask him for some tips.

“I have a new boyfriend, and he’s very handsome, I should show off some pictures.”

Joan feels so lucky to be with someone she cares deeply about. She can talk about how much fun they have together. She can talk about that trip they took a few weekends ago and tell that funny story about meeting some kids and their puppy. He loves biking, and while it hadn’t been Joan’s thing, she’s been getting into it too and finding it more fun than she thought. She knows that Caleb and his partner enjoy outdoor activities, so she decides to invite them on an adventurous double-date sometime soon.

“I’m taking a vacation to celebrate my promotion—I can talk about my plans for the trip.”

Joan has spent tons of time researching things to do in the Bahamas for her vacation, so she’s excited about telling people all about her upcoming trip. Then she remembers how Candace at work spent forever talking about her Europe vacation the other day and how annoying that was, and she doesn’t want to be that person. She makes a mental note not to let herself ramble on about it and instead just mention that she’s headed to the Bahamas next month, and let others take the lead if they want to know more. She doesn’t know anyone who’s been, but she knows that Priya had planned a trip there and then had to cancel when her mom got sick, so she’ll skip talking about it if Priya makes it tonight.

Even when she’s thinking about the things going on in her life, Joan finds ways to make sure that it’s not all about her.

The easiest way to make sure that you’re not letting your ego take over and that you’re staying humble is to make sure that you don’t talk at people, and instead focus on talking with them. Humility is a virtue. Be curious about others and open to what they have to say. Share your successes, and your failures too, and then take the time to really listen when others do the same. Step back and recognize that everyone deserves to be the center of attention for a little bit too.

Instead of talking at people, talk with them.

There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.

Help Others Be As Great As We Think We Are

It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing our own hype. We do something we’re proud of, and we can’t wait to scream it from the rooftops. Doing wonderful things is just that: wonderful. But it’s important to look at the bigger picture: how did it help someone? Real satisfaction comes from helping others with our actions and from taking steps to better ourselves. And those things don’t need to be bragged about: they’re evident to the people that we help, and they’re evident to ourselves as we grow and improve in our lives.

The idea of humility is that we fully understand that we have not reached the top of the mountain. There’s always more work to be done. Be proud of your accomplishments, for sure, but always remember that the work is not done. Humility is a virtue. We’re constantly evolving, constantly trying to become better people. For ourselves, our community, our world.

The Sobering Reality of Humility

On the highest throne in the world, we still sit only on our own bottom.

Shouting from the rooftops about how great we are isn’t much different than quietly telling someone how great we are at a party (isn’t that right, Joan?).

It’s our mission as human beings to realize that our personal victories are important to us and can set good examples for others. The sobering reality is that our personal victories may seem amazing at the moment. Still, they’re really just a drop in the bucket, and that our true purpose is to contribute those victories to help others achieve their own successes and add to the total success and progress of everyone.

Let’s look at some ways to reframe some achievements we may want to brag about in ways that let us practice humility instead:

"I just made my first million dollars!"

Great! Congratulations on your success. Who are the people who helped you get there? As you continue to grow your business, how can you give back to your community?

"Everyone tells me I look like a model, and my Instagram has a hundred thousand followers!"

You’re fortunate to have your great looks, and you were able to turn them into a platform to reach others. What kind of message are you sharing with all those followers? Are you contributing to unhealthy expectations or encouraging acceptance and love?

"My new car is amazing!"

It’s just another thing. Hopefully, it gets better mileage and is less polluting than your old one. What can you do with your car that can help others? Maybe next weekend, you can use it to haul some things you no longer need to a charitable organization that can distribute them appropriately.

To find the balance you want, this is what you must become. You must keep your feet grounded so firmly on the earth that it’s like you have 4 legs instead of 2. That way, you can stay in the world. But you must stop looking at the world through your head. You must look through your heart, instead.

Humility is All About the Bigger Picture

When you approach the day, week, month, and life with humility, it gives you the opportunity to pause, be grateful, and embrace the fullness of life. You get the chance to step back and see that there is a much bigger picture than just yourself.

Frankly, it wouldn’t be very much fun if the whole world really was centered around you, anyway: imagine all the pressure! We are all singular parts of the whole, and we can all be our best when we keep that in mind. 

What can you learn from others?

How can you take what we’ve done, learned, experienced, and apply that to your life to improve it and help others along their journey?

By listening and engaging with others, instead of trying to be the loudest, most important person in the room, you give others space, and in doing so, you give yourself space too.

Space to learn. Space to understand. Space to know.

Humility is about truly understanding that we do not know it all. We have not reached the mountain tops. And even when we think we’ve reached the highest possible point, the peak of the mountain, and we’re standing there self-satisfied, ready to tell everyone how great we are... we look up. The clouds. The sun. The moon. The stars. The galaxies. We’re just one small part of the whole.

Sometimes it’s nice feeling small because it allows us space and the room to grow.

Instead of talking, listen.

Instead of bragging, be grateful.

Instead of wanting, help.

And if all else fails, quietly keep climbing that mountain, giving others a hand when you can and accepting a hand from others as well. We’re all just climbing together, so we might as well help each other out as we go, so it’s a little less hard on all of us.

It’s important that what thoughts you are feeding into your mind because your thoughts create your belief and experiences. You have positive thoughts and you have negative ones too. Nurture your mind with positive thoughts: kindness, empathy, compassion, peace, love, joy, humility, generosity, etc. The more you feed your mind with positive thoughts, the more you can attract great things into your life.

Happiness is only real when shared.

Chris McCandless
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